What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 17:57
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Why are black people seen as scary or a threat to some people?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But it wasn’t much.
Put me off passion for life!!
What is the reason for writing X^2 as XX instead of X*X?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
So, i spoilt her more .
(And it was in our own minds.)
What are some photos of masturbation?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He knew the spot.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
What is your review of Kota Factory Season 3 (TVF Original)?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I think the readers, may guess!
Space humbles the SEAL-doctor-astronaut | On the ISS this week June 9-13, 2025 - Space
I have no regrets .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Is anyone else losing complete respect for the US at this point?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As i do to all so called friends.?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Comes on , in middle age.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why am I so triggered and depressed over a minor thing?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
This is soul school!.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was 9 years of age.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We all went to grammer schools
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I couldn’t, believe it.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
All the time i was locked up.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But, we were locked up after school.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She married twice! .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was scared of men, in general
Why did i forgive my father ?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I don,t even have a pension.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im still living with it.
She wouldn,t have been !
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She found it foreign!.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But ive been too sick for many years..
And i lived it daily.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
What did i know ?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I could never make a relationship work though!
She was in good health!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She loved him until the end.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I waited trembling.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Ive learnt so much.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I write beautiful poetry .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My family never makes their pension either.
It was going to be , some day.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I said to her
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was seconnd youngest,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was very sick at this time too.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He resisted the act ,that day.
So whats the point in blame.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I will be 64.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Was to survive, this bastard.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
One cannot live in the past .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Would this be the day?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We were not on the streets..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Who then, do I blame.?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
When she asked me how she looked .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My life is so biszare .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .